Author: mlove101
Things to consider while dating…
-If the person is a murderer. #death-sentence-maybe-near #get-away-while-you-can
-If the person is a vampire. #teamwolf #i-want-to-live-another-day-thankyou
-If the person hates food. #angry-emoji
-If the person poops in their pants on the first date. #ican’t #i-don’t-need-another-me
-If the person’s shirt is inside out. #noeffort #letdown
-If the person orders a raw onion on the date. #breathmint
-If the person says they’re smart, funny, and outgoing. But they come off as stupid, humorless, and sad. #sad-emoji #liar #i-don’t-want-no-mediocre
How to get a grandiose gluteus maximus without spending a lot of money
Eat well. Squat properly.
Being human is the easy part. Looking like a sexy human walking is the hard part.
One of the best ways to seek pleasure: Celebrate solo.
Treat yourself for some extra lovin’ and celebrate solo!
Be your own party host… here’s how.
Do the following instructions on a day that’s not your birthday. Do it because you take risks… strange risks. Risks that will affect your sanity.
1. Order a whole cake for one (yourself) in advance.
2.When the baker calls you to pick up your cake, you’ll be puzzled at first and then you will quickly oblige to pick up the cake right away.
3. After you purchased the cake with self embarrassment, you consider the possibilities of having a mental illness and shrug it off because there are other things to consider. For example, if you do this and it completely fulfills your happiness… will it turn into an addiction?
4.You arrive home and strategically place the candles on the cake for heighten excitement and you light up the candles with eagerness.
5.Sing “Happy Birthday” (mind as well go all the way). Make a wish, blow out the candles, and eat a slice and save the rest for later because you deserve it or whatever.
6. If “whatever” leaves you perplexed, then smash your face on the untouched left over cake and guffaw at the absurdity of it all.
I don’t want to be weird alone.
I’m a hybrid between normal and strange… the normal part is having ears, eyes, and mouth. The strange part are the words that come out of my mouth.
[Here’s a weird inspirational quote or something]
“I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love.”
— Dr. Seuss
[I’m looking for my Prince Weird] [Where is he?]
The one sock that got away…
Socks are the only piece of clothing that are really good at hide-and-seek (the hiding part, no so much the seeking part.) I fail at seeking. I can never find that one single sock. I always lose my footing.
[my foothold is weak]
[socks’ tracks are sneaky]
You need to be short to understand.
Hugging a very tall person is awkward for me. I’m short enough where I can rest my head on their tummy. I feel like a little kid. If tummy soft, I close my eyes and fall asleep. Night-night, I go.
[If I get called short one more time, I will literally throw a tantrum.]
You have to be human to fail.
Humans are walking failures. I don’t ever recall babies learning how to walk for the first time without falling.
One of my biggest regrets and proudest accomplishments is not using profanity like fu*#. But, I’m curious to know what I sound like while cursing. Would I sound cool? I don’t know. I also made a vow to my child-self not to use swear words- I’m on a twenty-two year winning streak, so I’m not going to break it now for the hell of it.
[I’m a twenty something year old millennial and I don’t use the f-bomb or sh**t in everyday speech]
[People ask me… do you have any special talents?]
[I don’t curse, that’s my talent]
You know what you and I have in common? This tofu-like sponge called the brain.
Neurology, neurobiology, and neuroanatomy are all essentially the same. They all include the study of the brain. Many people study it through academia and others find it interesting. We are so very different by DNA, but like-minded people. We want to know why we exist and why we are the way that we are. It’s a science that every human can relate to-even the religious and non-religious.
“Although many of us think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think.” — Jill Bolte Taylor
[Mind Blown]
Pauper's Prance 